Night-time Separation Anxiety - Reassure me! (LONG)

[SamanthaH]

Lina is 14 months old today ( ) and I think we are starting to see some of this so-called separation anxiety stuff. She has been with the same sitter for a year, but she is starting to have a few more sad moments when we drop her off, etc. Also, we have been having some major night-time issues with going to sleep and staying asleep.

Lina has pretty much always slept in her own room in her crib because co-sleeping never made anyone happy. She is a very warm, very active sleeper who is really restless if she lays in bed with us. Plus, I really need my own space, too. We have almost always rocked her before bed - maybe not all the way until she is passed out, but enough to relax and get her to that sleepy stage. No milk, water, or other drinks - just pacifier. Usually I could go in there and rock her for about 5-10 minutes, lay her down and everything was fine. She wouldn't usually wake up in the night and would get up around 7:00 - 7:30am.

Lately, she has been fighting sleep like crazy. I rock her for 20+ minutes, and when I lay her down (no matter if she is 100% awake or asleep) she immediately wakes up, stands up and cries. It is now usually taking 2 (or more) of these cycles to get her to go down for the night. If I try to take her my bed, she freaks out and cries a ton. I am not one for letting her cry - and even if I am frustrated and just need to take a breath for a minute, she screams and really gets super angry. Plus, she has been waking up in the night - either needing to be rocked for 30+ minutes, or not going back down at all. Saturday she woke up at 4:00am and didn't fall asleep again until 7:30am.

Please tell me this is a stage that will pass - I've heard that night-time issues can come with the separation anxiety stage. Also - tell me that it's ok that I am spending so long rocking/holding her. My mom says I just need to let her calm herself - that she's old enough that she knows what she's doing and that I am teaching her to depend on me to go to sleep. I was able to be stronger in my stance about not "spoiling" her as a tiny baby - but this girl is smart and she's definitely grasping the concept of "cause and effect" in other areas of her life. Plus, we have tried a time or two to see if she will really get all that upset without being able to get past it herself - and it does NOT stop. Crying, yelling, throwing things out of her crib - and if we go in just to comfort her, she tries to hit us and is upset until we pick her up.

I want to say that it will pass - but then again, I don't really want to HAVE to lay down with her every night until she is 6 like my mom SWEARS she had to do with me.

[kimberly3000]

Does she have all of her molars yet? My daughter exhibited similar behavior and come to find out her molars were coming in. Now her bottom molars are coming in and we give her a small dose of motrin or tylenol when she acts this way and she usually goes to sleep and sleeps through. Otherwise, I don't have any other ideas for you except to hang in there.

[texasamy]

It will pass and there is nothing wrong with meeting her needs, in fact meeting her needs now will pay off in the end. They are only little for a short time so do what you feel best for her and rock her/snuggle her as long as you and she need to get through this.
I agree it could be molars or seperation anxiety or could she be scared in the dark now...they become much more aware as they get older.

[Paula]

My LO will be 14 months tomorrow. We have been having sleep issues lately. I have been thinking/hoping that he has some teeth trying to come in. I hope that is what it is, I can't live like this forever. Every time, we've had sleeping issues, we see a tooth poke it's way out within a week or two.

[dianthe]

it will pass - and there is nothing wrong with holding and rocking her to sleep - i still rock and nurse Sydney to sleep - but i'm the only one that does - when DH or my mom put her down, they can lay her down and sit next to her or wait in her room until she drifts off

my personal opinion is that at that age, if they're crying and wanting to be held - there's a reason - as far as self soothing - we're just now getting to a point where i will leave Sydney to calm herself down (22 months) - if she's throwing a tantrum and needs to cry it out, i'll either sit with her until she's over it or send her to her room with the door open and let her come out whenever she's ready to calm down - the latter happens when i'm at the end of my mommy rope

as far as the separation anxiety - Sydney still gets a little now and then when the nanny comes - sometimes she's ready to say bye the minute she walks through the door and sometimes she's super clingy and it takes some time to the "hand off" - she's always fine minutes later (because i'm still at home and can hear her) so it doesn't bother me the way it used to

sorry this got to be so long - but i tell you all of this to say that it's all perfectly normal and it all passes - some more quickly than others - just trust your instincts and do what feels right - you're doing great!

[SamanthaH]

See - she's already got the top molars and I thought the bottom ones were coming in a few weeks ago - but nothing. Usually when her teeth are coming, she gets a really bad runny nose and I can tell she's in pain. Right now, she's been happy and fun while awake and running around and the issues just start when we go to get ready for bed.

I've also tried putting her down before she gets too tired and waiting until she is really showing sleepy signs before starting the process and the results are pretty much the same.

I know we will survive - but some people are making me feel like I am "ruining" her and getting her stuck in some bad bedtime habits. I could hold them off when she was like 4 months old - because no baby can be "manipulative". However, at 14 months, Lina definitely knows what's going on now and how to get certain reactions out of us. I just still feel uncomfortable letting her scream and cry with no resolution until she sounds sick just because someone thinks I should be "teaching" her.