How do you fight the "I WANT IT"s???

Okay, we were doing okay...no we really weren't. I am a spender, I want everything!! I try to pretend to be frugal but then I go and enroll all three kids at Emler, enrolled Cameron and Carson in Karate, and enrolled Cameron in FasTracKids - all of these together are about $500 a month, and I did it all on credit card!!! I am pretty embarassed to even write all of that! :( Just today I had $100+ in my hands and was just itching to find a way to spend it (looked at a stroller and tried to figure out how to come up with the rest of the $$, thought about a Wii figuring I'd just put the rest on cc, looked at a camera, etc). Any time I see something that is a good deal I jump on it, even if I really don't need it (just bought 12 new diapers because there was a sale...it will make my life a bit easier, but at the same time I didn't NEED them). How do you keep yourself from spending? I am going to remove the credit cards from the wallet for starters and I have bought the Dave Ramsey financial software, but I still don't really get how to use it (we don't have regular income, we have one check that is regular and then one is higher or lower depending on work). I have had Shirelle work a budget for me and I blew that right out of the water...I don't really know what I'm asking or if I'm asking about anything or just wanting to get it out there so it will make me see what I'm doing? DH and I don't do finances well, I did them for the first two to three years of our marriage, he did them for two years, and I just got them turned back over to me...now I really have to figure it out before we get in worse trouble. Advice?

I'm there with you, minus the credit cards because my credit is so bad :duh

My problem is telling the difference between a "want" and a "need". I can convince myself that I "need" anything and everything. And it's really hard with me being a SAHM and this being a one-income family. We have very little savings because I spend almost everything I can. It's annoying and embarrassing that I am so bad with money.

I am right there with you. I tried to remove my credit card, but then I needed it for emergencies and didn't have it and that was bad. So back it came and shopping I went.

When you figure this out, let me know. Because I have gotten so bad. I use to be so good with money. I came from the bottom of the money pit. Now we have money and I am spending it. DH doesn't get it. I was not like this when we first got married. Actually, it has gotten like this since having kids.

I've totally gotten worse with kids because that is who I spend on!!! I feel like they "need" stuff, like classes (especially since they are not in school) and then we go out to eat almost every day for at least one meal!! Really unnecessary and I would probably look so much better if I didn't eat out so much! I just am at my wits end! Almost feel like I need to sit down with someone to look at our spending and help me figure it all out.

Our hh has gotten crazy, since we went from 2 incomes to one. I hate to say that atleast our bills are covered, and we have a little in our 'emergency fund' but that honestly only covers alittle less that half of 1 months worth of straight up, paper bills. we completely blow the rest.

Have you listened to the Dave Ramsey CD's yet? We started FPU and didn't finish, but we listened to EVERYTHING and it will make you think. And our situation is such that we do not have any credit cards, we have no savings, and when we run out of money, we're out of money. Period. We have HORRIBLE credit... so we couldn't get more if we wanted to. Well, maybe we could, but we will NOT ever get more. At this point in our lives, I'm not even sure we'll ever buy a car on credit. Just don't want to. After you've listened to the Dave Ramsey stuff you'll understand what I mean :)

ETA: Right now, our monthly income doesn't even cover all the bills that come in. It will in September.. but that is still a few months away. Once DH's student loans go into repayment, things will royally suck. But at least we have zero credit card debt and our car debt totals less than $10K. That is at least something...

Neither dh or i carry debit cards or credit cards on us..we both get $50 in cash a week..bills, gas, groceries all go in the debit card anything other than that we spend our cash on if you blow your $50 in the first day your out of luck

A friend once shared with me some advice she got from her mother... if you are out shopping and see something you want, ask yourself "do you LOVE it? I mean really love it?" More often than not it'll be something that is cute or on sale, but not something that I really love. With that I can walk away. It's saved me LOTS of money.

Another thing, if I want something particular, I'll shop around for the lowest price. I hate paying retail. :thumbup

A friend once shared with me some advice she got from her mother... if you are out shopping and see something you want, ask yourself "do you LOVE it? I mean really love it?" More often than not it'll be something that is cute or on sale, but not something that I really love. With that I can walk away. It's saved me LOTS of money.

Another thing, if I want something particular, I'll shop around for the lowest price. I hate paying retail. :thumbup

:yeah

I do the same thing. I will often pass up something and tell myself that if I keep thinking about it even after I leave the store and go home, to the point that I'm willing to make an extra trip back for it, then maybe it's worth it.

I used to be pretty good but have gotten worse since I've had Jack. I spend on him, a lot! It's totally addicting, I have a really hard time spending on myself, I find myself wandering over to the kid's section. I am a bargain hunter though, and have no problem buying secondhand on some things, so that helps me save. But at the same time, if it's a bargain I have a hard time walking away from it. I try what Michelle said and only buy what I love or can't walk away from. But when I find a good buy, I tend to overbuy.

So that reply probably didn't help much at all! :lol

DH and I both came into our marriage with CC debt. We decided that we would only use ccs when we "had" to--for emergencies. We had our combined income and we STILL managed to have "emergencies" or "needs" that led us to use them. We wanted to start our family and have me stay home, but we didn't want to continue the debt spiral. The thought of going from two to one income was terrifying!!

We knew we had to get serious about getting our finances in order so we went to see Dave Ramsey live and it was a life changing experience. We bought the book, the software, and decided to commit ourselves to following his plan. The only way we could get away from cc use was to get rid of them---ALL of them. We don't have any, not even for emergencies. Scary? Heck yeah, but we're making it. We paid cash for a used minivan. Our other car isn't a beauty, but it's paid for. Our only debt is from school loans. We rent our house though, but in our situation even Dave approves. We will make that investment when DH finishes school.

If we can do this, I believe anyone can. DH works in education at a charter school. That means he makes even less (much less) than regular public school districts. We definitely have room for improvement, but I'm impressed with how well we've managed thus far.

The tips that I believe make a huge difference:

get rid of all credit cards
use cash--it hurts more to spend money if you're paying cash
use the envelope system to really see where you're spending your money--it'll influence your spending when you realize how much you've spent on kid "fluff" :) (my total weakness too) etc.What also saves me $ these days is when I'm out and see something I'm tempted to buy I tell myself I have to go home and think about it and not be impulsive. If I'm actually willing to load up 3 kids to venture back out to get it, I must really want it. Saves me lots of money! :lol

I still have habits to break and habits to form. I need to meet Shirelle IRL and have her share her impart some of her frugal tips upon me. :)

:yeah

I do the same thing. I will often pass up something and tell myself that if I keep thinking about it even after I leave the store and go home, to the point that I'm willing to make an extra trip back for it, then maybe it's worth it.

That's what I do too! I delay most unexpected purchases several days,
at least. Its usually alot easier for me to decide if I think it over a few days.

use the envelope system to really see where you're spending your money--it'll influence your spending when you realize how much you've spent on kid "fluff" :) (my total weakness too) etc.



tell me more.....:thumbup

Me too! Your not alone! I have been so used to making cash every night, and being able to come up with rent in 2 shifts, and now that i only work maybe 2 nights a week its hard. I seriously have a shopping problem. My friend and i are no longer "allowed" to hang out together because instead of having a play date, we end up shopping. I don't know how to control it.

I will say that keeping the credit cards in the filing cabinet and not on my person really helped.....untill i got a paypal account, and now its downhill again.

I also think that when you are stuck in a house for days, i tend to come up with errands that i "need" to run, and i always end up blowing way too much money. What should have been a quick $30 trip to whole foods, quickly becomes a $100 extended stay. And once im on a roll i can't quit!

I am definitely going to be keeping my eye on this thread!! We desperately need help too!

So you are going to do Dave Ramsey's FPU? I think you will be very glad you did... :thumbup

A friend once shared with me some advice she got from her mother... if you are out shopping and see something you want, ask yourself "do you LOVE it? I mean really love it?" More often than not it'll be something that is cute or on sale, but not something that I really love. With that I can walk away. It's saved me LOTS of money.

Another thing, if I want something particular, I'll shop around for the lowest price. I hate paying retail. :thumbup

I have been doing this a lot more lately and it helps. My biggest problem is I never have time to try things on in a store with the girls. So I buy a few things, bring them home and try them on, and usually, I end up returning all of it. So crazy. So I have started to really look at things and ask myself if I love it or not. Because I don't want to take it home to only return it.

So you are going to do Dave Ramsey's FPU? I think you will be very glad you did... :thumbup

My aunt is sending me the DVDs so I can sit down and watch them. I'm very excited on figuring this all out because I totally don't have it figured out!

Really, I think my biggest issue isn't "stuff" but "activities." I get Soooooo bored in the house so we have to get out, get out means we don't make lunch we eat out, we have to pay for activities, etc. Plus, there aren't really a lot of people REAL CLOSE BY in Addison. :(

brittney, i think the next money you spend really needs to be on FPU CLASSES. not just the book or software or cd's. the classes give you a certain place to be on a certain date with a deadline for getting the homework assignments done. it's much easier to be accountable and get/stay on track that way.

the way i avoid what you described is i repeat stuff i heard from his class over and over in my head until it has beat the desire to buy something out of me. there are a few different lines i use.

if you take the plunge and take it, it WILL help you. it would be a great use of that $100 and would change your finances and marriage for the better. it will help you not feel so down on yourself, too, because you're not knowingly sabotaging your finances. i really can't say enough good things about FPU. :hug

I write things I want or think I "need" down on a list. And, unless they are a very immediate need, there it sits on that list for at least a week. It's amazing how many things I rethink, and also how many creative solutions I find.

To start out, though, you might just want to restrict yourself to only buying used for everything possible. It's more environmentally responsible, plus it forces you to look harder, which in turn means it gives you longer to change your mind about buying it.

As far as getting out.....I make it a hobby to find extremely cheap or free stuff to do. I write it all down in my calendar....free night at the children's museum, free movie at the mall, storytime at the library, etc.

You guys might actually benefit from a YMCA membership. You could put the kids in a few activities for a lot cheaper than for-profit places. Swim lessons at the Y are like $40. We put Ethan in basketball this summer, and it was also less than $50.

I think you all would benefit from actually going to an FPU class. It sounds like that week-to-week accountability could be really helpful.

I think you're going to have to find your own motivation. It's so different for every family. For my family, we HAD to change, or we were going to go bankrupt....we were one paycheck away from catastrophe. But one thing that keeps me from ever going back to that is the fact that I feel like we treat people better now. Before doing this, we couldn't afford to go visit Michael's sick father, or my family, for me to go to the dentist, or to donate money to anyone. Why? Because we were spending all our money at Chili's, Whataburger, and the mall! Our money finally demonstrates what is truly important to us.

You know I'll help you any way that I can :hug

You're not mad enough at your credit card debt to make it stop yet. We haven't taken the classes, but I know I'd like to. My dh and I read the book together though and we're working on getting our emergency fund together. We've resorted to the envelope system ourselves because the debit cards were too easy to just whip out. HTH!

I will often pass up something and tell myself that if I keep thinking about it even after I leave the store and go home, to the point that I'm willing to make an extra trip back for it, then maybe it's worth it.:yeah I am much better at this with stuff for me than the kids but I am getting better.

Where do you all attend the FPU? I'd love to start DR, but have no clue what to do to even begin! I've looked at his website, but I found it a bit overwhelming.

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/ if you look in the middle of the page, it says "Find a class near you" and a place for a zip code. I know we offer it 2-3x a year at our church...

:hug

I am very frugal by nature and have a hard time spending money. It's like a game to me...how we can do things for the cheapest way possible. I like the challenge. Maybe you could start viewing it that way! If we are going somewhere at lunch or dinner time, I will pack a cooler. I also have to really love something to buy it. I don't buy the kids clothes if they don't need them (and they don't)! I always print off coupons to activities we are going to do and I plan my week ahead of time (usually). I hope things get better for you!

We meet with a Dave Ramsey coach in McKinney on Friday. http://www.compassfinancialcoach.com That might be an option for you as well. We can't do a class with Dh's schedule and have been dragging out an FPU online class. I think that the accountability is going to help us. Sort of like a personal trainer for our budget!:whip

It's so easy to fall into the marketing traps! They make it so easy to be a "good mom" just by buying something.

If you go on that site, the Bible verses she has posted that relate to money are so interesting!

The only way we could get away from cc use was to get rid of them---ALL of them. We don't have any, not even for emergencies. Scary? Heck yeah, but we're making it.:yeah
We didn't use credit much but when things got tight we used it instead of just telling ourselves no. We cut up the credit cards 2 or 3 years ago and haven't used one since. The past few months we have almost gone totally through our emergency fund with moving expenses and stupid mistakes. :banghead We still have doctor's/hospital bills from Doak's birth and from both kids being sick this winter. Last week DH applied for a new credit card because we were down to nothing in savings and we weren't sure if we could make it to the next month. Thank you God that the process of being approved took a while and before that we got approved our class at church was on Proverbs 6 which is all about being wise with your money. We finally got our stimulus check and now have our ER fund back in place. But all that said, I think knowing that you have no option of credit makes it easier. I know I have a hard time saying no to myself and I can justify spending money even if I don't need to.

We still screw up even on the cash plan. We end up using the debit card when we run out of cash and screw up our budget that way, but we're working on it and not accruing any new debt. I think DH and I had a realization the other day. There are some things that seem really basic that we think we should be able to afford, but in reality we just can't afford them. (like organic food, preschool, dance classes for Addie, etc) You really have to look at what you can afford and try no to think about what others can afford.

As far as getting out of the house we go to the park a few times a week, the spray park once a week, to the library for story time, and have friends come over instead of meeting at Chick FilA or some other place where I'll end up spending money.

It's so easy to fall into the marketing traps! They make it so easy to be a "good mom" just by buying something.

Just always keep in mind that the best way you can be a good mom is by preparing yourself and your kids for whatever the future holds the best you can. That includes saving money. Also, that the most precious gifts you can give them are time and patience, those are much better things than something you've spent money on.

Keeping those 2 things in mind will pretty much effectively combat all of the marketing we're exposed to.

We haven't used credit cards in a couple years. We have an emergency fund set aside for emergencies, rather than relying on credit to bail us out. And if we use anything from the emergency fund... the #1 priority is getting it re-funded.

Chris and I are both self-employed with no regular income to count on. So we have to be especially careful with our finances to keep on track.

We read the DR books, and we came to believe that if we don't have cash for it... we simply can not afford it. If we can't pay for kid's classes, then we just can't. If we want them, we'll save up and do it next semester, or just pick one that we can afford cash, or find alternatives, etc. Recently, I needed new work clothes, but one of Chris' clients was late in paying their bill. So, I had to wait. But once we got paid, it felt so good to go buy new clothes with cash. Knowing we had earned it, and that we wouldn't be paying any interest on them.

And, a BIG thing for me to keep me on track and keep the *I wants* at bay, is that I spend my time in the car listening to the DR show, and/or other financial talk shows. Keeps me motivated to stay the course, and keep my eye on the big picture, rather than the little temptations along the way.

While I do the budget/bills in our house, every week, we have a budget meeting. We go over the budget, what we spent, what we are planning to spend, and we keep each other accountable.

I hate debt. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I'd love to not owe on our house either, but we're not there yet. But, we are actively working towards it.

A few years ago, I heard on the radio a financial guy (I now *think* it may have been DR, before I knew who DR was) ask the question, "Do you want to OWN your life, or RENT it?" Simple question, but that single second of radio changed my life.

Really, I think my biggest issue isn't "stuff" but "activities."

Make a list to refer to when everyone is bored. My kids are generating their summer list today, in fact. Everything from "grow carrots" to "learn how to make cinnimon rolls from scratch" to "go to Australia in August". The majority are free or very, very cheap. Then there are things that won't happen (Australia, for example :giggle). Then there are some that do have a cost, and we'll pick and choose depending on finances.

But, it's amazing how many free/cheap ideas the kids generated themselves.

I love how open you all are about such a private subject. I hate debt- but my dh spends like it grows on trees. Lucky for us, we attract enough to not get into too big of a pinch. What you think about, you bring about. If you are thinking about debt, you bring debt. I have no cc and the only time I wish I had was when I lost my debit card and ran out of checks. I had to go to the bank to get cash for gas, it was so annoying. But that was just one day. I do avoid malls now, because I could easily spend 500.00 or more on stuff. I only go there when I need to, so not much at all. The major thing that helped my husband was becoming more environmentally aware, and considering drastically changing our lifestyle. That made both of us realize, those pair of jeans or shirt at Nordstroms/Gap/ any expensive store, could buy full tanks of gas or groceries etc. We also shop consignment thrift stores only now, except for my husbands work clothes- he is not that granola yet. It is better for our pockets and the environment. Although, I do buy some clothes online or at Gap (love that store) on very rare occasions. (like once a yr or less) BUT, we eat out WAY too often. That is one thing I am looking forward to changing, but with packing up a house and moving .... real cooking will have to wait a couple of months. Mainly, remember to notice what you are focused on, that will appear in your life the most ; and think about the impact all this consumerism has on the enviroment and our children. Sorry if I got too crunchy there.
Believe me, I am not an expert, or take my own advice all the time.
Also my sister HIGHLY reccommends Dave Ramsey, she and her dh completely redid their finances and now have 2 houses(1 is a cheap lakehouse, but still... and are going to buy a boat- all with cash) They have no credit card debt, and this was a woman who was very proud of her fancy expensive car and house, but after Dave- she sold that and bought a practical and affordable minivan. I am so proud of them, and a tad envious!!

I need to meet Shirelle IRL and have her share her impart some of her frugal tips upon me. :)

I want Shirelle as my mentor too! :thumbup

Once we sell the house, we will be able to pay off all of our CC debt and at least one car. Bridget and I want to start completely fresh when that happens. We do not have a budget ~ we are both impulse buyers ~ we buy "wants" all the time and let other things (BILLS) work themselves out.

No more CCs for us - we want to follow DR as much as possible, no matter how much it hurts at first.

Another reason why I love DAM is the resource pool of cheap or free activities to do with your kids. It does not need to cost a lot of money! I truly appreciate all the input that I get here.

Sorry if I got too crunchy there.

nothing wrong with that! :thumbup

We donate a similar item for every new one we get.. knowing you have to get rid of something you already have to get something new really helps you separate the wants and needs.

Has anyone else read the book Affluenza? It really makes you think and goes a long way to fighting the "I want it" feeling. It also cuts right through a lot of the marketing. Instead of putting a personal spin on it like Dave Ramsey's stuff or Your Money or Your Life (another really good book), it puts a world/environmental spin on it.

Awwww, thanks guys :D It's hard for me to meet a lot of you because I'm a tightwad who doesn't like to spend money on gas :lol

We donate a similar item for every new one we get.. knowing you have to get rid of something you already have to get something new really helps you separate the wants and needs.

We do this. If I buy two new pairs of shoes, I have to get rid of two pairs, etc.

Has anyone else read the book Affluenza? ...it puts a world/environmental spin on it.

I have wanted to read this - will put it on my to-do list now! Thanks!

We donate a similar item for every new one we get..

I try to do this with our house as well. I am trying to train Bridget and the girls to do it, too.

Also, look at your credit card statements, and look at how much you are paying in finance charges. If you have more than one cc w/a balance, then total up all the finance charges. Now, think about what all you could do with that money!

I know how you feel. It is SO hard not to buy everything I WANT!

Alas, and I have not read any of the responses but, I would advice you to cut up all your credit cards at once and figure out how to start paying them off. Long time ago I cancelled all my credit cards except for one. That one left I did cut up. My DH is the only one that has a credit card because of his business (and because he is not the one who would go on a shoe or stroller shopping spree;)). This is the same credit card we would use if it came to a HUGE emergency (as we do have an emergency fund for unexpected expenses). We don't buy or go anywhere if we don't have the cash for it. Simple as that! We have learned to live within or below our means and it feels good! HTH! :hug