My public school teacher sister's feelings about homeschooling

I have been homeschooling for 4 yrs now. My sister has always, on the surface, acted like she supported my decision. However, it was obvious to me that she was against it because if I ever said anything negative, anything at all, she would take it as an opportunity to tell me I should not homeschool anymore. For example, I might say traffic was heavy on the way to the ice skating rink for homeschool skate and she would use that as a reason I should send my dd to public school.

So she basically told me today that she feels that when someone homeschools, it is saying that her entire education and career are useless and nonsense. In otherwords, the ole attitude that we all must subscribe to someone else's thoughts and opinions or we are against them.

I gave her the analogy that if I were a Catholic Nun and devoted my entire life to that religion and such, and she chose to not be Catholic, does that mean she thinks I am useless and wasting my time?

I really think public school is not a very good idea. Studies have repeatedly shown that early childhood education only has a positive effect in cases where children do not have a good homelife. But society has programmed the general population in to thinking we NEED someone else to educate our children for us and we cannot possibly handle their education or their social life. Since I have a child in public school, I also see parents refusing to vote on or giving input in things at the school because "we are just parents, the teachers are the professionals" They think they are not even competent at deciding what kind of music is ok in the school or anything really. Public schools are expected to do everything, and I think they are pretty happy to have that sense of control, but they cannot possibly do it all. Teachers are generally overworked and undertrained and under equipped and so on. Many parents have taken a very hands off approach to raising their children, because as soon as they enroll their children in school, they often turn to whatever teacher and seem to truely believe that teacher knows more about how to raise their children and what their children need than they do.

Anyway, so, that is what my sister had to say..the part about people who homeschool are a huge insult to her because it is like they are saying that her education and training and such mean nothing...that her whole career is a waste of time.

Well, it is HER choice to feel that way.
I have 90% finished a master's in teaching, I guess I am wasting my education too, since I am not using it to educate other people's children. ;)

Her training is very valuable to those who don't have a choice on whether to put their children in public school, or to those who feel that public school is the best place for their child. Homeschooling has it's pros and cons as does any educational choice. You have to do what's best for your own family.
I personally will do my very best to keep my kiddos out of public school, but it has very little to do with the teachers. The government takes a very one size fits all approach that I don't necessarily subscribe to. And I want my children to view the world as a place that God created and only exists because of Him. That values and morals originally came from Him and have a very important place in our society. Those things won't ever come from a public school. And I don't feel they can properly be taught in the few hours a day that I would have them if they were to go to public school. That's my .02 if that helps you any.

since I am not using it to educate other people's children. ;)

Oh yes you ARE ... :p lol

It sounds more of a sister issue than a home school vrs. public school one to me. I would totally remove school from the discussion and just talk about the rest of it.

You said this "she basically told me today that she feels that when someone homeschools, it is saying that her entire education and career are useless and nonsense."

then you said this "Teachers are generally overworked and undertrained and under equipped and so on."

So do you think she is under trained? Have you told her she is capable or that you are proud of her for being a teacher?

Have you told her you feel she doesn't respect your teaching ability?

You both know how hard teaching can be.. and I bet neither of you is in love with the bureaucracy involved in public school.

I really think public school is not a very good idea

DO you mean for you & your family? Because a blanket statement like that is no different then your sister saying homeschoolers make her job irrelevant. While I dont agree with your sisters opinion, she is welcome to it, she doesnt have to think like you.

:yeah This is why it is hard to BE friends with home schoolers in the first place. I try to be respectful of their decision to home school, yet they throw statements like that my way about how horrible my kids must have it.

I am VERY involved in my children's school and i would gather to say that MOST parents at that school do NOT have a hands off approach.

Talk about insulting - maybe your sister hears things like that. i would be offended, teacher or not.

I agree that all forms of education have pros/cons. And we are lucky in TExas that people have the freedom to make that choice.

Sounds like you and your sister are both defensive - just like I am when my home schooling friends talk about how superior their way is - it's very arrogant.

Sounds like your sister was trying to tactful say that maybe your opinion is arrogant (generally undertrained?) and insensitive to her choice in career.

Teachers are generally overworked and undertrained and under equipped and so on.

:yeah:yeah to Nikki and Julia. My kids are in public school (an excellent school at that) and I do have days I disagree with things the school does, but in general I feel like they get an excellent, well-rounded education. If I homeschooled I'm sure I would feel the same way...that I would have days I would think they would be getting a better education in public school. My sister homeschools and is very defensive about it and often makes negative remarks about my kids in school. I choose not to engage in that battle with her, because frankly it doesn't matter what she thinks about it. It is my choice what to do with my kids. We are all lucky that we have the choice...I think we all need to remember that and respect each other's choices. ALL public school is NOT bad and just because you homeschool doesn't mean it is automatically better/worse.

I really think public school is not a very good idea.

Even if you do not say this exact statement to your sister, if you truly feel this way, I guarantee you this comes across in your conversations with her about home schooling.

This subject hits close to home for me, because my sister is about to start homeschooling her three children. I am not planning on ever homeschooling my children - I see, in our situation, no way they would benefit from it. I love our school and my son is getting a great education and has many friends and is very involved, and I would not make a good teacher - public or homeschool.

But this topic has caused much tension in our relationship, because I constantly get that "my way is better than yours" and "I must love my children more than you do" vibe from her. That, unfortunately, is a sense many of us public-school moms get from our home-school acquaintences - a sense of superiority on the part of the home-school moms. I don't know if that's how you feel or what you intend, but in many cases, it is what comes across. And as we love our children very much too, and feel we are doing what is best for our families, YES, we get defensive.

ETA: I should add that I have nothing against home schooling. I think it is a great solution for some kids. But I do have something against the attitude I feel from many home-school moms.

I think all of this is so dependant on the family, on the child, on resources available, on the local school, the curriculum being used in the school, the principal.....oh so many things. I have taught in public schools, I have taught in private schools, and I have family members who have attended public school, private school, and homeschool. I can't even say there are pros and cons to each choice because it is so different depending on the individuals involved. There are excellent teachers out there by the way, yes there are bad ones too, but there are so many who really work their butts off to make school a good experience for their students and so many who genuinely care about each and every child in their class. Same goes for private school. My only concern for homeschool is that some parents aren't as equipped to do it as they might think they are. I do think you need to be a pretty organized person and willing to do lots of research to pull it off well. My sister wants to homeschool her son and while I am not at all opposed to homeschooling, I dread the thought of her trying to do i t because she is extremely unorganized and tends to bite off more than she can chew on a continual basis. there is a lot more that goes into that...but I have already blabbered too much.

Oh yes you ARE ... :p lol

:lol :p

Well, you know what I mean.

I try very hard to not make any comments either direction with my friends. I have friends that have children in public and private school. I don't think that I am difficult to be friends with because my kids are homeschooled though. I would say that it rarely comes up in conversation, actually (unless it is referring to something about scheduling).
If someone complains to me about their current educational situation, I might bring up the positives of homeschooling.

I think there are a lot of myths about homeschooling. You don't have to be terribly organized or incredibly educated. There are a lot of support systems out there for homeschoolers to utilize. Actual school for us takes very little time out of our day (which I will tell people when they comment about how dedicated I must be to homeschool or how they could never be organized enough to homeschool or that they are not together enough to homeschool). It doesn't take nearly as long to do things with 1,2 or 3 kids as it does with 15-25 kids.

I am very lucky that I have support from my family. No one has made negative comments at all and my mom has commented about how lucky we are to be able to schedule things during the day or during the school year.

I am sure that I do get a little over excited about it sometimes. :p It's one of those things that when you enjoy doing it you want EVERYONE to have that same joyful experience. So, if I have made comments...that is where I am coming from. Not that public/private school is somehow inferior, but that I have such a great time homeschooling and being with my kids all the time that I want all of my friends to experience that same excitement.

I am sure that I do get a little over excited about it sometimes. :p It's one of those things that when you enjoy doing you want EVERYONE to have that same experience. So, if I have made comments...that is where I am coming from. Not that public/private school is somehow inferior, but that I have such a great time homeschooling and being with my kids all the time that I want all of my friends to experience that same excitement.I never get the holier then thou vibe from you Teri. Never.
You communicate your excitement and passion in a positive manner that never puts anyone else down. I appreciate that. I support homeschooling whole heartedly anyway.
I just dont like being told public school is a bad idea when in fact that statement is false for a great deal of us. We havent had a bad experience thus far.

I agree totally with Julia (as usual).

Teri you do not make me feel like less of a parent. Jealous sometimes because you have incredible patience and are so creative, but never have I felt you "put me down" nor have you put down my choices. I appreciate that and how you run this forum in an optimistic fashion.

I told my sister that I think she does a wonderful job as a teacher. I am a board member at the middle school PTA as my oldest is in public school. The teachers at last nights meeting brought up something I already knew. There have been some huge changes in administration which has led to paperwork and tons and tons of work on their behalf to impliment whatever new changes this one tyrant of an administrator wants. The teachers are stressed. My son has excellent teachers but then adminstrators do this. It is like they sit there in that admin building just pulling puppet strings and not really concerning themselves with the effects of their behavior. Meanwhile, the teacher's health insurance is so bad that when my neice was in a big accident last year, my sister owed a few thousand for a broken femur after insurance paid.

I feel like I could never ever go back to teaching in a public school district again. I worked in this district the 96-97 school year, I was just along term sub. But, after seeing what the teachers go through and how ineffective they have been rendered due to ...basically...what is going on....what I have described already...I just cannot see doing it again. It is really sad that we are losing so many great teachers.

I will say that the post-bac course requirements for sec ed teacher cert was only 4 courses. Those courses really made no difference in the actual "educating" part of the job. There was a lot of implementing curriculum and classroom management and then a very narrow view of 1 type of education with nothing on learning styles and or teaching theory or methods, etc. Perhaps if I had done more..like a masters, I would have had courses in that. But frankly, all the courses in the world cannot possibly substitute for real life experience. And it won't change the fact that the teachers get stuck spending more time on politics and paperwork and reading on the "new and improved" ideas that whatever, whomever decided to put out, than they get to spend on what they really want to do and should be doing...educating children.

Aside from all that, I really do not think that merely having a teaching certificate makes someone more qualified to teach an individual child than the parent is. And there is way more to school that just teaching. Since a child is there 7+ hrs a day, 180 days a week, they learn morals, their worldview, values, discipline..etc...from school to a certain extent. But due to politics and TAKs testing and so on...teachers have pretty much been left unable to do their job for a large part.

But yes, I did tell my sister that I think she is a wonderful teacher. I do take great offense to remarks that generalize that most homeschool parents cannot possibly do what the public schools can do for a child. A parent is completely vested in that child and receives no pay or otherwise to teach their own child. I think the average homeschool parent does an excellent job.

I also resent the whole..if you don't subscribe to what I do, then you must be against it. I do not have a problem with her doing what she does. I just chose a different route for my children. And clearly, since I choose a different route, I probably think I am chosing what I believe to be the best route for my own children.

I never get why non-homeschoolers go to homeschool boards and post like this. You are saying this is why it is hard to BE friends with homeschoolers. Well, then why are you hanging out on a homeschool board?

I have always been sheepish with my sister about the homeschooling stuff. I am the one who has endured constant remarks through the years. I have never ever made a remark about her career of choice.

You say you try to be respectful to homeschoolers...but then you come to a homeschool board and make such a blanket statement about this being why it is hard to be friends with homeschoolers.

I have 2 children in private school, 1 in public, and 1 who homeschools. I have never ever heard a homeschooler put down a public schooler, but I have heard way way too much from the public schoolers about homeschooling. The private schooled parents, so far, really do not express opinions. Next year, 3 of my children will be homeschooling and the oldest will still be in public school.

I think your remarks are very prejudicial and arrogant to say all homeschoolers are difficult to be friends with and all homeschoolers are arrogant. If you go back and reread my post, without your prejudicial arrogant glasses on, you will see that she started all this and has been making remarks for years while I have kept quiet.


:yeah This is why it is hard to BE friends with home schoolers in the first place. I try to be respectful of their decision to home school, yet they throw statements like that my way about how horrible my kids must have it.

I am VERY involved in my children's school and i would gather to say that MOST parents at that school do NOT have a hands off approach.

Talk about insulting - maybe your sister hears things like that. i would be offended, teacher or not.

I agree that all forms of education have pros/cons. And we are lucky in TExas that people have the freedom to make that choice.

Sounds like you and your sister are both defensive - just like I am when my home schooling friends talk about how superior their way is - it's very arrogant.

Sounds like your sister was trying to tactful say that maybe your opinion is arrogant (generally undertrained?) and insensitive to her choice in career.

isn't it wonderful that we live in a country where we are allowed to educate our children in a way that we feel best suits THEIR NEEDS whether it be homeschooling, public schooling, private schooling, unschooling, etc.

:lol :p
I try very hard to not make any comments either direction with my friends. I have friends that have children in public and private school. I don't think that I am difficult to be friends with because my kids are homeschooled though. I would say that it rarely comes up in conversation, actually (unless it is referring to something about scheduling).
If someone complains to me about their current educational situation, I might bring up the positives of homeschooling.


:yeah

Hopefully I never come across as holier than thou. However, I have been known to PM people from here that I see are becoming interested in homeschooling. I don't want to appear pushy but I do want to invite them to come meet other homeschoolers.

My sister is the one who calls me and tells me how stressed she is over certain things that go on. They have so much thrown at them and really are not left equipped...time, money, supplies, etc...to do it all. This year, in our district, has been an especially hard one. There has been a major shake up in the administration and one new adminstrator has been so awful to everyone that people have been quitting in droves. She decided, after the school year started, to change up everything in every subject. She (she being the administrator) simply sent out notices and expects teachers to just work 60 hr weeks to try to get up to speed on all these extreme sudden changes. The teachers have not been given the time or the resources to impliment these changes. This was all done AFTER the teachers spent time in training over the summer. Everything they did over the summer was rendered useless and they were told to redo everything after the year had started. Plus, my sister has told me she spends a portion of her own money on things for the classroom that she does not get reimbursed for. I have heard this from other teachers too. She is given a small stipend each year, but it is never enough to cover what she needs. It was $75 this year. We live in a wealthy district so there is no reason she should be scraping up her own money to pay for these things.

But when she calls me and tells me all about this stuff, I never ever tell her she should quit her job or homeschool her children or otherwise. I just listen nicely and be her sounding board.

I would say this is just a sister issue...which part of it is. But I have busted my tail end for our local schools doing volunteer work. I have found that I am one of just a handful of parents who do stuff there. Out of 800 children in our school, there were only 12 parents at the last PTA meeting. But when I am up there, on my 6th and 8th hour of copying things in the copy room (which is quite hot btw), I have found some staff have to discuss what they think of homeschoolers in my presence, as if they don't know I am there, only they clearly can see I am in the room.

I did tell my sister that she is a great teacher. Since she had previously told me how hard things are, I did point out that the teacher cert courses really did not do a whole lot toward helping her in what she does in class today. My sister is actually a great teacher who spends a fair amount of time on things like Writers Workshop and such. She told me none of the other teachers in her grade were willing to go. I also named specific names of people in the administration that even she has told me are ruining the district. Ok....so....she can't really disagree with that. She admitted that. Ironically, she won't allow her children to attend school in this district either.



It sounds more of a sister issue than a home school vrs. public school one to me. I would totally remove school from the discussion and just talk about the rest of it.

You said this "she basically told me today that she feels that when someone homeschools, it is saying that her entire education and career are useless and nonsense."

then you said this "Teachers are generally overworked and undertrained and under equipped and so on."

So do you think she is under trained? Have you told her she is capable or that you are proud of her for being a teacher?

Have you told her you feel she doesn't respect your teaching ability?

You both know how hard teaching can be.. and I bet neither of you is in love with the bureaucracy involved in public school.

Summer, just so you realize, this is not a homeschooling board, it is a homeschool FORUM on a mom's board. Because of this, all are welcome to post on it. There are not that many of us that are actual homeschoolers ON the board and I asked for the forum so that those that had questions about what we do were able to get answers. It was not created so much to be a support forum for homeschoolers though.

I also resent the whole..if you don't subscribe to what I do, then you must be against it. Yes. I resent that too.
Which is why your comment that public school is a bad idea was a real big turn off for me.

I never get the holier then thou vibe from you Teri. Never.
You communicate your excitement and passion in a positive manner that never puts anyone else down. I appreciate that. I support homeschooling whole heartedly anyway.
I just dont like being told public school is a bad idea when in fact that statement is false for a great deal of us. We havent had a bad experience thus far.

:yeah Teri, I have never felt that you do that at all. I love to read what you write about schooling your kids, because even though mine are in school, I love to try to incorporate some of your fun ideas into our life. I think that you are confident in what you are doing and it shows. I think that people sometimes become defensive when they are not confident in their choices, which can then breed negative comments.

Nikki..if you read my posts about all that is going on that I have specifically said is wrong..do you disagree? My children have always had wonderful teachers while in public school. Maybe it is just luck, but my children never had a bad teacher there. But then the teachers are overworked, under appreciated, under funded, not given the time or the resources to do what they need to do. Did you read the specifics about all the curriculum changes that were thrown at the teachers after the school year started? Usually, training and major changes happen over the summer so the teachers have time to prepare for it. Once the school year starts, lesson plans are written, bulletin boards are up (often paid for by the teachers) class schedules are set, and so on. Perhaps wording it as "public school is a bad idea" was not the best way to word it. I should say what they are doing in the public schools is a bad idea. By "they" I am not referring to the teachers.

If I were the one making decisions, I would allow only limited curriculum changes and only over the summer so that teachers do not have to spend their entire summers re-learning everything. I would definitely definitely raise benefits...much better health insurance and dental. I would either reduce class size or return teacher's aides to the classrooms. I would reduce school size. I would also make it so school boards have to draw from areas...as in..each part of the district is represented. As it stands where I am, the entire school board comes from 2 different neighborhoods. That leaves entire high schools (and all their feeder schools) with no representation.

Oh..one more thing....I would require every single administrator who rules over a teacher to have a minimum of 10 yrs classroom experience. This would mean every principal and assistant principal and anyone who is above them..right on up to the superintendent. I know I may be the exception to the rule, but every single one of my children's teachers were perfectly competent and good and I find it really "off" that they are being forced to make all these changes in the classroom on a whim of an administrator who has never even taught for 1 yr. (and yes, it is a whim, she just started this year and flooded the teachers within a couple of months with monumental changes).

You really won't see me post here much Summer70 - unless it's in defense to negativity about public school or teachers (in general). And occasionally I ask a question or make a positive comment, but overall my posts are predominately encouraging.

I have nothing against homeschooling - it's not even crossed off my list of future possibilities. But the Us vs.Them energy is a turn off. I know not ALL home schoolers are the same, but I've experienced this energy researching this option for my family. I've just lost a dear friend because of that energy (because I feel disrespected for my current choice). So this is probably why I get passionate over this subject.

Sorry we had a disagreement, but I'm not one to hold a grudge. I've been posting here five years and your not the first person I've disagreed with - probably not the last.
So I'll just agree to disagree and chalk it up to difference life experiences forming difference of opinion.

FWIW - I agree with you on many of those points you made in your above post about changes that could be made to make things better for teachers (and in turn the village). Teachers have very difficult jobs and they deal with a lot of academic diversity. They are jugglers and some are very good at it, but I wish they had it easier.

I think you will find this forum a great resource for ideas and positive encouragement. Teri is an excellent teacher (and mom).

Sorry for the rocky induction. :lol

Sorry for the rocky induction. :lol

Actually..this is not my induction. It is just that I registered here years ago....I am guessing 4 or so...and I forgot my user name! LOL I had not been on here in a long time and some friends kept referring to the board so I finally came back.