"Oh That's Right...You Don't Work"

:hopmad UGH!
Do you ever get SICK of hearing that!?!?!?
Last night while Chloe was in dance I filled out all of my Christmas cards. Since I am out of lables I had to hand write all of the addresses. One lady commented on how impressed she was that I was already finishing up my cards. Then she added, "Oh that's right...you don't work so I guess that's why you have them done already." UGH! She didn't mean it rude...she is actually a really nice, likable (sp?) person but it just annoys the hell outta me when people say that because then you know they just assume that since you don't work you basically have nothing to do.
Okay, thanks for letting me vent...I feel better now.

:banghead
I feel for you! I actually have a friend that pulls that crap on me all the time!
"you don't work so YOU have time to _____." :mad

I am very impressed that you are finishing up your cards! :lol I "don't work," and I haven't even started mine!

I know what you mean. It is true that working mothers are crazy busy. But, like I always tell DH, "at least you get a lunch hour!" :lol
:lol So true!

geez. People are so dumb.
One of my friends was telling me the other day that working the morning shift at a daycare was just as "difficult" as raising a child 24/7. Yeah. sure.

My inlaws give me crap about "not working" all the time.
Yet I'm raising a child.
Running a mothers group
and doing Photography every weekend (therefore editing every week).

no, you're right. i have no jobs. I actually just sleep in, and only shower once a week.

I totally agree with you guys!!! I hate it when people assume that I sit around and do nothing all day!

I hear that all the time and really get peeved about it too! :hug

I don't agree that sahm's don't have work to do....b/c when I'm home, I don't stop! BUT, sahm's do have the luxury of taking a day to run their errands or do Christmas shopping, when wohm's have to do it on the weekends in the crowds, ya know? You can manage your time better. But I'm NOT saying you don't have anything to do!!!

I hear that all the time and really get peeved about it too! :hug
YOU really should get peeved about it! I only have 1...you have *5*!!

Yep! I know what cha mean.

I didn't mean to jump in on this conversation when I'm not even a sahm. Just thought I'd give you the other side of the coin. I think the people that say that about sahm's are just jealous!!

I don't agree that sahm's don't have work to do....b/c when I'm home, I don't stop! BUT, sahm's do have the luxury of taking a day to run their errands or do Christmas shopping, when wohm's have to do it on the weekends in the crowds, ya know? You can manage your time better. But I'm NOT saying you don't have anything to do!!!
You're right Marci, we can better manage our time. And like right now...I DO have a little free time because Chloe is at school...I actually should be running errands. I just think that it is a rude thing for someone to say when they have no idea what "work" I really do everyday.

Yea- I get to run my errands with my 2 kids in tow, because there is nobody home to help me with them (ie: dh).
Can you say "NIGHTMARE?!" For some reason, the word "luxury" doesn't come to mind. :lol


I don't agree that sahm's don't have work to do....b/c when I'm home, I don't stop! BUT, sahm's do have the luxury of taking a day to run their errands or do Christmas shopping, when wohm's have to do it on the weekends in the crowds, ya know? You can manage your time better. But I'm NOT saying you don't have anything to do!!!

I didn't mean to jump in on this conversation when I'm not even a sahm. Just thought I'd give you the other side of the coin. I think the people that say that about sahm's are just jealous!!
I sure don't mind you jumping in. :) It is nice to hear from the other pov. :hug

Why yes....I am jealous ...and I have no problem admitting that :lol. I try not to say anything dumb like that though. :) ...some people just don't think before they speak. I'm sure it gets old quick. :hug

The grass is always greener.

Well, maybe luxury wasn't the right word. :lol I always get jealous though over my sister who has her Xmas shopping done by Thanksgiving and gives me grief that *I* don't have mine done. So, being on this side, I think it's a luxury. Ask me in a few months if I still think that's a luxury. :lol

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad....just trying to help you see where the other person was coming from. But yes, it's rude to assume you do nothing. I think until you've had kids and stayed home with them (even wohm's on sick days/vacation days or whatever), you can't understand!

It's very true.
We cannot know until we walk a mile in the other mom's shoes.
People assume that all sahm's sit around and watch soaps, and all working moms don't want to take care of their own kids. :rolleyes (just an example, not MY opinion)

I wasn't trying to give you a hard time, Marci. But *LUXURY* is something haven't seen or felt in the 5 years I've been a sahm, I just had to laugh!

I wasn't trying to give you a hard time, Marci. But *LUXURY* is something haven't seen or felt in the 5 years I've been a sahm, I just had to laugh!
Oh, I know you weren't! I just didn't want anyone thinking I thought sahm's did nothing. And I guess the word "luxury" is different depending on which side you're on! Maybe it's what you don't have, that you want. :)

Pretty soon- you will be an expert on both sides! You can settle the age old debate! :rofl

:hopmad I know how you feel. My sister tells me that all the time. But she has no kids so I have to remind her about that. At least she gets to take all the naps and showers she wants with no interruptions.

Pretty soon- you will be an expert on both sides! You can settle the age old debate! :rofl
:lol

see..I do see it as a luxury...I feel very very lucky that I am able to be a sahm..of course there are times that I miss going to an office and gabbing with the girls and getting a project accomplished..and going to have a nice lunch with co-workers without a baby grabbing at my food or spilling their drink..but it's still a "luxury" in my eyes..and I am very thankful for this time...and I wish all of you could be sahm (or at least the ones of you that wish you could be :) )

:hopmad UGH!
Do you ever get SICK of hearing that!?!?!?
Last night while Chloe was in dance I filled out all of my Christmas cards. Since I am out of lables I had to hand write all of the addresses. One lady commented on how impressed she was that I was already finishing up my cards. Then she added, "Oh that's right...you don't work so I guess that's why you have them done already." UGH! She didn't mean it rude...she is actually a really nice, likable (sp?) person but it just annoys the hell outta me when people say that because then you know they just assume that since you don't work you basically have nothing to do.
Okay, thanks for letting me vent...I feel better now.


Who was it? Well as I was walking out of dance the lady was like wear is her coat(TATUM) kids coat I did not say anything does she have shoes I said no really they were in my bag she told me that I need to take off my coat and put it on her I said if I did that then I would be running around in my bra OMG it made me so mad I wanted to knock her the *$%^ out. tatum's clothes were in the van. :cuss

I can see both sides, since I was a wohm for 12 yrs and am now a sahm. Though what she said does sound very rude, she may not have meant it that way - I may have said something like that in the past.

WOHM's just have to squeeze in ALL of their family/household responsibilities in the evenings & weekends. Most SAHM's try to get all of that stuff done during the day, so that evenings & weekends are more family time. I think SAHMs stay VERY busy, but I also think that much of what they do, many WOHMs just plain don't get around to doing AT ALL.

Running errands during the day is SO much easier than evenings & weekends. Now that I'm not working, I am SO grateful that I have daytime to run my errands. It was even easier when I took a day off work and dropped the kids at daycare, but I would still take running errands during the day WITH kids, than running errands evenings/weekends w/o kids!

I was a wohm for 4 1/2 years, and am now a sah/wahm. It's really, really hard either way. When I worked in an office, I had all of the guilt and tears of leaving my tiny children at daycare. While it was nice to be able to focus and complete a project and talk to other grownups, I also had to balance the stress of work and the stress of managing the kids. I hated hated hated it. Now that I'm a sah/wahm, I have to try to get a lot of work for dh's yoga studio done with a little one tugging at my sleeve. I feel guilt for letting him watch too much t.v. The cleaning and cooking expectations are higher on me now, and I have to struggle to live up to them. But I'm so grateful that I can spend all the mommy time with the kids that I wasn't getting before, b/c I know that I'm putting in most of the time in raising them, not someone else.

I really think it's a toss-up. Raising kids is hard, no matter what path you take. It's just really, really hard. When I was a wohm, I was jealous of sahm's. Now I know that it's just as hard, but, for me, it's more rewarding. I'm not speaking for anyone else, though.

Running errands with kids can definitely be a nightmare.. I made a mistake last friday and took all five of em with me to the store for 3 items.. It took about 45min for those 3 items because of the kids. People give the strangest looks too ranging from pity to shock. :lol love to look at peoples faces.

I agree, they might possibly be jealous but to me, it depends on how they say it to you.. is it sarcastic or factually speaking, ya know?! Dh will say it to me in a sarcastic way...

I would definitely *love* to have a lunch break.. a pee break would be just as awesome though!

Oh come on Chelsea. I know you sit at home all day on the couch watching Days of Our Lives and eating Bon Bon's and writing Christmas cards. Just admit it!!!! :lol Just kidding! I HATE it when people say that too. I'd like to seriously NOT do anything for like 2 days and then they can SEE what we really do!!

I am very impressed that you are finishing up your cards! :lol I "don't work," and I haven't even started mine!


:yeah :lol

I hate that comment too...what is sad is what initially started out as a compliment quickly turned into an insult.:(

I know what you mean. It is true that working mothers are crazy busy. But, like I always tell DH, "at least you get a lunch hour!" :lol

ETA- just to be fair, many WOHM and dads don't actually get real lunch hours. Dh works through his more than not. But I do envy people who get to have one meal a day in peace. :lol

I NEVER get a lunch hour when I work but at least I get to pee in private:thumbup:thumbup:lol

Oh come on Chelsea. I know you sit at home all day on the couch watching Days of Our Lives and eating Bon Bon's and writing Christmas cards. Just admit it!!!! :lol Just kidding! I HATE it when people say that too. I'd like to seriously NOT do anything for like 2 days and then they can SEE what we really do!!
Well crap...I'm busted! :lol

I really don't like those comments either. People just really don't think, but I use the same response on people that say such things:

"What an interesting comment. So in your humble opinion;) , what do you think I do?"

You'll get alot of stutters and/or my favorite....."well, you know what I mean"....To which I say, "No, I don't. Please, explain."

Makes them really think about what you actually do and maybe they'll think twice about saying things like that to the next sahm.

I really don't like those comments either. People just really don't think, but I use the same response on people that say such things:

"What an interesting comment. So in your humble opinion;) , what do you think I do?"

You'll get alot of stutters and/or my favorite....."well, you know what I mean"....To which I say, "No, I don't. Please, explain."

Makes them really think about what you actually do and maybe they'll think twice about saying things like that to the next sahm.


I think will use this one, I really like it:) . Especially to my sister who asks me frequently, "How do you stand to just sit around all day, I would go crazy?!"

I too, have been on both sides. I worked full time outside of the home until my last daughter was born 22 months ago. Working was really hard in its own right, trying to get the kids on time and juggle everything, and especially (for me) leaving them. But, it definitely had its pros. Basically, everything mentioned above (lunches, peeing, etc...). I always wanted to be a SAHM, and I used to wonder what I would do all day:lol ! That seems so ridiculous to me now! The comments do irk me, especially the ones from my MIL, who asks me all the time "What would you do it you were working?", when we are talking about how busy the kids are. It just makes me feel like she thinks I sit around all day waiting to take them where they need to go...ugh! The worst thing for me are on the rare days (1-2 a year) that I get sick. There aren't any sick days! Today, I have strep throat, laryngitis and tonsillitis and I just now sat down...dh is in Chicago...but that's part of it. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

I always assume people mean that we just have flexible schedules when they say boneheaded things like this. I know for me, if I had to work outside of the home for 40 hours a week it would be SOOO much harder than me staying home. I'd still have to do the cleaning, cooking, errands and general parenting since my DH travels so much. I can't imagine not having my flexible schedule.

I have used this in the past though : I don't work? Are you serious? I'm busy all day and night building a man that will grow up to make mankind better...any idea how f'ing difficult that is???

They got the picture.

Up until now I have been "a go to the office mom" (my oldest is three). Next week when we move to TX, I am becoming a sahm (which is what I always thought I wanted). The thought terrifies me! I have always thought I had it easier going to the office, then those of you who stay home. Even though I worked all day at the office and then put my mommy hat on late afternoon, I still got the change of environment which kind of gives you a second wind. I think being home with the kids all day is going to be the hardest work I will ever do (well other than labor!). You get no escape, your kids are there every time you turn around.

Infact I ran an errand with my two today. A Week ago when I was at a paid job the errand would have taken 10 minutes on my lunch break. But with 2 little ones in tow it took well over an hour and my nerves were just frazzled. I really admire all you SAHM who make it look so easy.

I'm sorry I am kind of rambling here. My point is that I can foresee my DH being one of those people who thinks "well you were home all day." So you will probably see me on this forum quite frequently looking for support as I transition from one kind of working mom to a new kind of working mom. We are all working moms, some just get the added perk of a paycheck!

i get that all the dang time and i too am sick of it! the inlaws think that i think my child is smarter than her cousin because im at home...no not what i think, but while im home i do read with here and watch baby einstein and talk to her about everything i do...so in that aspect yes...she has a step up! but aside from that...online surverys...im either working FT/PT or i am unemployed...or there is the not working out of the home option! its crap! i do more work here at home in 1 day than any man i know in 2 days. laundry, dinner, making beds, cleaning...all with a baby on the hip! i work a good 90+ hour week and LOVE MY JOB

Completely true. There are pros and cons to everything. Working outside of the home is no easy thing either. I stay home, but I also work- I consider myself a WAHM since 80% of my work is done from my home. So neither category really fits me well... but I do see that is is hard from every angle.

ETA- lol Krysta, I hear you... I usually wait for DH to be home so I can go alone or as a family. but three kids by myself never works out well. :lol

:yeah what she said except I am 100% work at home. I have to go grocery shopping with kids in tow, all my errands are done with kids in tow... or I wait til the weekend like other working moms :) Then MAYBE I can go by myself... but most of the time, I have to drag hubby along too because those are family days.

Oh yeah... forgot to mention MOMS dont have SICK DAYS. lol It doesnt matter if you work out of hte home or not. If you are home with your kids you are working!

I have used this in the past though : I don't work? Are you serious? I'm busy all day and night building a man that will grow up to make mankind better...any idea how f'ing difficult that is???

They got the picture.

I think that's a perfect response! :thumbup

I love the fact that people think being a parent is a "sometime" job.....I work full time and I have managed to get all of my Christmas cards out yesterday and take care of a 4 month old, pump, wash dishes, clean house, take Dj a bath, cook dinner and work 10 hours yesterday......what in the world was her excuse?:soapbox

Next time just say,"Oh honey, I work.,,,,,,,, I just don't get paid for it"
When people ask what you do, you can say "I am a child development research analyst. Presently we are studying the habits and behaviors of __year olds (enter your child's age) so we can help parents better understand and deal with their children.) They will certainly perk up and think you are quite a special person, when in reality, that is exactly what you do.

Next time just say,"Oh honey, I work.,,,,,,,, I just don't get paid for it"
When people ask what you do, you can say "I am a child development research analyst. Presently we are studying the habits and behaviors of __year olds (enter your child's age) so we can help parents better understand and deal with their children.) They will certainly perk up and think you are quite a special person, when in reality, that is exactly what you do.
:yeah Mind if I borrow that?

Go for it girl!!!!!!

Man, I had so much more time for stuff like that when I WAS working. :lol I could sit in a meeting and address things and do running around between home visits. :p

Way to go on getting the Christmas cards out, Chelsea! I'm just starting to address mine and hopefully will have that part done over this weekend.

I don't agree that sahm's don't have work to do....b/c when I'm home, I don't stop! BUT, sahm's do have the luxury of taking a day to run their errands or do Christmas shopping, when wohm's have to do it on the weekends in the crowds, ya know? You can manage your time better. But I'm NOT saying you don't have anything to do!!!

That's true that we can manage our time better. It is a luxury if we have MDO or preschool to send the kids to while we do some errands! ;) Man, I am missing that luxury lately. :lol I can't wait until next Thursday. I found a place to drop off the boys so I can go to my OB appt by myself. Woohoo!

I am currently 7 months pregnant and I quit my job in the spring due to the fact that I never saw my husband because of our conflicting work schedules and because I had the boss from hell. I was planning to find another job until my mom broke her hip and I was having to drive all the way to Richardson most days to look after her. Right when she was almost recovered I discovered I was pregnant. Well, I didn't even want to have to deal with working nights and weekends at a new job while pregnant (I was a librarian) not to mention trying to find someone who will hire a pregnant person.

My husband and I have decided that we will try to make the SAHM thing work because finding affordable child care that fits our work schedules would be really difficult. Even part-time librarians working the type of work I do have to be willing to work nights and weekends and sometimes my husband is on call to go out to an oil rig. When that happens we don't know when he'll have to leave, when he'll return, and if if he'll be able to send or receive emails or cell phone calls. There is absolutely nothing regular or reliable about his schedule during the infrequent and irregular times when he's on call.

The annoying thing is that people keep asking me when I'm going to go back to work. I try to explain the reason why I'm not and they just don't get it and keep trying to offer solutions. It's as if they don't view being a SAHM as a viable solution to the problem.

I am sorry that someone said that to you. I don't know why we (as a society) don't give enough value to the work that moms (and dads) do in raising our children. I have such respect for SAHMs (and a little bit of jealousy). :clap I work out the home during the week but I think I am more exhausted on the weekends taking care of the baby; although the weekends are infintely more enjoyable.

Shooooot, I used to think I wanted to be a SAHM, but then I took a week off of work when I got D...and ummmm NO...that aint gonna happen!!! At least not with his hyper butt...lol I love him soooo much, have since before I ever got him, but for me, I'm more sane with him in preschool and me at work...it really helps me appreciate evenings and weekends, and he LOVES his school. Honestly, even though I used to work in childcare, and I do flashcards with D and we do tons of educational stuff in the evenings and on weekends, I don't think I could do NEAR as good a job as his teacher has been doing...she's worked so hard with him! Yeah, I wish I could have more time with him, cause evenings are so rushed with his 7pm bedtime, but as he gets older, that will change...I just try to maximize the time I DO have with him...

After that one week off, I have SOOOOO much respect for those who are SAHM...man, I don't see how you guys do it...Y'all get major props from me!!! KUDOS!

My mom will say things to me "Well, you have the time to this or that, you don't work." I just want to say "Yeah, you're right. Taking care of a 3000 sf house, watching after a toddler, soon to be an infant, running all the errands, bill paying & budgeting, appointment making, church activities, having my husband gone more than he is home, all while pregnant isn't any work at all!" Actually, I have said that. :lol Just not quite in those words. It's weird because she stayed home until I was maybe 13 when she went back to school, so I don't get why she acts like that about it.

That's so great getting your cards done so early. I'm waiting for my cards to arrive from shutterfly, but I should get started on addressing them - I take the easy way by just printing them out, but I have to get them typed up -I can't find my labels from last year. Darn it!

ETA: I just found them! YAY!!!! That's going to save me lots of time!!

The grass is always greener.

:yeah But the grass has crabgrass on both sides. I've done both. Neither is perfect or without bad days and stresses.

I have a similar response - "OH I WORK - I just get paid in hugs and high fives".

Yeah, but sometimes I still catch myself stuttering the phrase, "oh, I JUST stay at home with the kids." Even my dh has corrected me in front of his co-workers. But to be quite honest, I feel really lucky to be able to stay home...but privacy in the bathroom would be awesome...although, I'm not sure if I'd be able to find the toilet paper without Aidan always trying to hand it to me, lol!

Yeah, but sometimes I still catch myself stuttering the phrase, "oh, I JUST stay at home with the kids." Even my dh has corrected me in front of his co-workers. But to be quite honest, I feel really lucky to be able to stay home...but privacy in the bathroom would be awesome...although, I'm not sure if I'd be able to find the toilet paper without Aidan always trying to hand it to me, lol!
Oh I certainly feel lucky to be able to stay home with Chloe...ESP as a Single Mom. I just don't like what I do being discounted.

Oops - repeated myself :lol ......

I'm serious as a heart attack when I say I'm putting my volunteer work and motherhood on my resume.

I've done both WOHM, SAHM and I think it all has pros/cons and there are challenges in parenthood period. Do what works for your families circumstances and do your best to enjoy the day.

The annoying thing is that people keep asking me when I'm going to go back to work. I try to explain the reason why I'm not and they just don't get it and keep trying to offer solutions. It's as if they don't view being a SAHM as a viable solution to the problem.

i've gotten that so much! like i SAHM because i HAVE to. not because i choose to.

You know, I can't remember the last time someone said that to me. I guess that I would attribute that to the fact that since we homeschool, most of the families we are around, also have a parent at home.
I do remember telling people that I could not afford to work with three children.