Question for Student Moms?

Fellow student moms: Does your husband view school as a job? I am a teaching assistant (translates to teaching two freshman writing classes) and I am taking 9 hours (full load/ grad school) yet my husband has significantly cut back in how much he helps around the house from when I was working full time. My salary is cut into 1/3s, which could be the factor since he sees me more as a SAHM than a WAHM. I feel that I put in close to 40 hours a week. Does anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions aside from talking until you are blue in the face? That approach doesn't seem to be working. My DH is great, but he used to help out so much more.

Sorry I won't be much help here. Sean has been great with my being in school. Our situation is different though. Once I'm done with school, he's going to go back to school- we're still debating if he'll keep working or stay home with the kids... We're thinking he'll stay home with the kids and go to school... Anyways, since we have that understanding- he's very helpful (if you remind him) and completely supportive. He knows this is a temporary situation in the grand scheme of things. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. :(

You know what always works with my hubbie? Lots of extra love--I'm so serious! This morning I made him a nice breakfast before school (I don't usually do this), and after breakfast he jumped up to go take out the garbage, unasked (WHAT??!), because he said he didn't want me to have to do it. If I nag, he gets passive aggressive on me--He'll go and do whatever I asked him to, but he will do the worst job possible. I read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, it's made such a difference in getting the love and attention I want. Good luck!

Thanks for the suggestion. I have been trying that and some weeks it works really well and other weeks it backfires. When I spend a lot of time working on the house, my husband starts to expect me to keep it up. Other times, he admires my effort and adds to it. This week he bought the groceries and cooked dinner both Monday and Tuesday. I came home at 10:30 tonight from school and the living room was picked up and he even ironed his own shirt. I just wish he would be more consistent. I don't have the time to be a full SAHM. Other weeks I feel that I am holding 2 jobs. It was just so much easier when I had a clear "Job".

I was out of school by the time I had Charlotte, so no help here. Just wanted to offer hugs.

If you figure out how to encourage consistent behavior, let me know! Hey, I guess I better figure it out regardless, eh? I'll need to practice the technique with Charlotte, too! LOL

As far as consistancy.... We have specific jobs and "work time".

I do laundry and general cleaning of the house. His job is to do the dishes and keep the kitchen clean.

We're definatly not "rigid" about this (you have to be flexible when you have kids and a constant on-call job!), but as a general rule... He has Monday, Wednesday and Thursday to do contract work. Tuesdays and Saturday mornings are my time.

Clear expectations help a lot (both ways!) - at least in our family.

I agree with Cori, clear expectations are key.

My husband has been a full time student for our entire marriage ;) Some of that time we were students together but now we are trying to make the switch from me just being mommy to me being mommy and teacher to one kidd with 2 little ankle grabbers needing attention too :) . We just sat down last night and talked through what we expect of each other in the realm of child rearing.

We have decided that he will teach Bible 3 days a week and piano one day a week. I will teach the rest, but he will make lunch. Etc.

We just needed to sit down and communicate our feelings, thoughts, and desires and then negotiate.

Good luck!

Hire a cleaning service to come in every week or every two weeks to take care of the major cleaning and that way you can keep up with the minor day to day stuff. If your DH does not want to spend the money on the cleaning service, then tell him to help out and exactly what you need him to do each day/week.

On a more serious note...communicate with him and if he is just not getting then see above. :)

We talk and it typically works for a week. Again, he cooked a fabulous dinner tonight and did the dishes last night but there are times when I feel so overwhelmed. It is harder this semester b/c last semester I didn't have to be at class until 12pm. My daughter would sleep until 10am. My husband would leave for work at 11 pm, and I would work until 2 am - which would still give me 8 hours. So, I got a lot of school work done between 11 and 2. THis semester I typically have to leave the house at 7:30, which has resulted in conditioning my daughter into an earlier wakeup time. But I really can't stay up until 2 anymore. So, I have lost 2 good hours every night. In that case it was a lot easier to keep up with being both a SAHM and a student. Now, I just don't have that kind of time. I absolutely cannot get any schoolwork done while my daughter is awake. Teaching stuff, yes but not my own reading and research. I guess it is all about constant renegotiating. The problem with setting aside certain days is that as a cop his schedule is HIGHLY inconsistent. We'll keep talking. I'll keep praising positive behavior. Hopefully, he gets the picture. Thanks for all of your advice and experience.