Thoughts on the BabyWise Method (Scheduled feedings)?

I am reading Babywise right now. I know a lot of people have strong feelings on this, so it might have to be moved to the Hot Topics board :)

The basic principle revolves around scheduled breastfeeding (or bottle-feeding), in a flexible way. Instead of taking a "baby-centered" approach this book teaches a "family-centered" approach, which teaches the baby from the get-go that they are part of a family, and will not always have someone rushing to meet their needs the moment they cry. The author's dispute the claims by attachment parenting experts that say that babies feel love and security by being held all the time, co-sleeping, etc. They feel that babies have more security in routine, and they will conform to a routine very quickly, cry less, sleep during the night earlier, and be generally more contented.

With Ethan we rushed to stop his crying the moment it started. We were more able to do that because he was only one child. I am trying to think out the way that I will balance my time between a newborn, and him--being a good mother to both of them. This seems like something that might help me to do that, and acheive more "family harmony" earlier than if I followed the AP philosophy.

Any thoughts? Differing opinions? You all know I don't get MY feelings hurt LOL! I'm on the fence about it!

There is a HUGE difference between routine and schedule. I think routines for the most part are necessary and good. Such as a bath before bed time, meals at certain times, etc. It does help establish a sense of security and the child knows what to expect. However, I truly believe that infants are born with a God given instinct, and are capable of knowing when they need to be fed. I do not believe all infants (especially bf ones) can go four hours without eating. I also think they are very aware of when they are tired, and I'm not going to make my baby lay down wide awake if he's not ready to.

Nursing/feeding is also very much a comfort thing for babies. Babies need to be comforted. Obviously, when children grow, there is a time when you do not bend to their every demand. However, when they are babies, I think it is very important to be "attached" and follow their insticts. There have been many studies done which show that these children actually grow to be more secure and independent children later, as that security has been established early on.

I feed my child whenever he is hungry, and I feed him when he just wants the closeness of me. I would never deny him that simply because it did not fit into "my schedule". I have met many many parents who have the same parenting ideas as me. I have yet to meet one with an unruly child who thinks they have some control over the parents. They are usually very well mannered for the most part. However, I have met MANY disobedient unruly children who will do anything for attention (negative or not) because their parents are so busy scheduling and having everything done "their way".

That's a tough question. I wonder the same thing. I followed the attachment parenting philosophy until my daughter was 9 mos. and it was so draining on my marriage and my psyche. My daughter only slept 30 mins at a time and she ate every 2 hours. I was exhausted. It did not work for us. If I have a 2nd I willing be looking to alternative methods. A more scheduled approach and allow her to put herself to sleep.

I do not support Babywise. But, I will say that I do like some of their other things (i.e. Growing Kids Gods Way). I do NOT believe in scheduling a baby's feedings and I do not believe in allowing a child to CIO. I will say that we do practice much of the attachment parenting phhilosophy (co-sleep, baby-wearing, extended breastfeeding, child-led weaning, demand feeding, minimal seperation from babies/children) except for discipline.

Shirelle- I know you mentioned in the past about having problems BFing. Well you will be asking for even more if you schedule feedings. BFing is all about supply and demand.

Yes, I did have problems bfing. Scheduling is not something that I would start from Day 1. I would prob wait a couple of weeks to make sure that I was well-established at it. The scheduling is not every four hours, it's every three and every 2 1/2 if you are having any problems.

Well, then I have to ask. Particularly, you Shanna, as you have experience in dealing with more than one small child. How can you attachment parent a new baby by breast-feeding, babywearing, co-sleeping if you have more than one small child? What if you have twins? How do you have the time to be a good wife and spend a little alone time with your husband? I liked the philosophy of Babywise because it teaches the baby that they are part of a family. I feel like philosophy of AP really focuses on the fact that most people only have 1 or 2 children these days. Most parents I know who have a lot of children do have to do things in a very organized way. What about big families?

As far as the scheduling itself. I guess my thinking is: once you get started scheduling, it's only a couple of weeks of CIO until the baby gets used to the scheduling and then their metabolism will conform to the schedule. I don't think you will have to let the baby CIO forever, and in the end it will make for a Mom that has more time for both of her children, her husband, taking care of her house, etc.

I still don't know. I'll be mulling this one over for the next 7 months I have a feeling!

OK, I am the differing opinion here. I read Babywise and I liked SOME of the stuff in it. Just as with any other "parenting" book on the market you have to take what helps you and dump the rest. We put Nate on a "babywise-ish" schedule (I modified it quit a bit to fit our families needs) at 6 month for medicine taking reasons and it was WONDERFUL! We put Job on the same schedule right after he was born and he thrives on it! He is such an awesome baby, our lives still revolve around our kids, but Job and Nate's infant time has been so much less stressful than when El was that age. With her we co-slept and baby wore and our marriage was so less intimate because of it. But that was just us.

Be careful of the Babywise system though. It can be a little militant (as with all of the Ezzo books). You have to be able to read the book and say "ok, this is too far." Beware of the Ezzos in general. They were Excommunicated from their church for splitting and dividing the church based on their "Growing Kids God's Way" methods. Much of the scripture in that book is taken out of context and placed into their parenting method to serve their needs. When talked to by their church leaders about the mis-use of scripture, it opened up a huge can of worms. Excommunication is a big deal in any church and is never done lightly.

I will say one thing, I feel it is very important to sit down with your husband and talk to him and then make your decisions on what YOUR parenting style is. No single method will work for every family or every child. You have to find your family groove and if it is babywearing cosleeping and it works for you....fantastic, the same goes with Babywise. Just do what is best for your famiy.

Seeing as I don't have any babies yet, I can not speak from personal experience. But I can speak from a professional standpoint (breastfeeding educator and mother-baby RN) and babywise does not work when breastfeeding. Lots of breast milk supply issues are a result of Babywise and scheduled feedings. Babies tend to have a sleepy period and cluster feed (feedings one right after the other) and the scheduled feedings of babywise does not work with a baby who cluster feeds and then sleeps a long period of time.
My advise to you is to throughly research Ezzo and babywise and other parenting techniques and then take what you want from each and attempt to incorporate them in your parenting style. The best of luck to you!

I agree with everything Laurachelle said. (surprise, surprise! I always do!)
I strongly urge you not to schedule your baby's feedings. That is a good way to ruin your milk supply. It takes more than a couple of weeks to establish a good bf'ing routine- think closer to 4 mos or so. That is when the pg hormones are all out of the body, and you are regulating your own supply.
Babywearing is actually a Wonderful tool when you have more than one child. With a sling, I can hold/nurse the baby, and still have a free hand (sometimes 2) for the older child. I did not get any time alone with my DH, unfortunately, but this is a sacrifice we chose to make while
our baby was brand new.
I am totally opposed to CIO, in any form. I believe it makes a child feel abandoned, and insecure.
Your older child/ren is going to learn that you have to take care of the baby's needs. You can still play, sing, cuddle with the older child while nursing/rocking the little one. (trust me!) My 2 yo knows exactly what "I'll be right back" and "Just a minute" means! Your hubby is old enough to know that a new baby needs you more than he does.
Definately, keep researching :book , but I would encourage you to BURN that Ezzo book!

Here is my philosophy, Take it or leave it:
Babies are not crying to manipulate you. Their minds are not that complex. They cry when the NEED something- including security. Just imagine what a newborn has been through. The world is big, bright, loud, and scary! Is it so much to ask for their Mommy to snuggle them, and make them feel safe? You are the one constant thing that your baby knows, and if you ignore their little cries for help, they remember it. This is how CIO works. They stop crying, because they know it won't do any good. A baby can't self soothe until at least 4 mos of age.

Sorry so long, but you asked for it! :p

i have no problem with babywise, but i'm not sure i would use it until the baby is 5 or 6 months old. then again, it would depend on the baby. it wouldn't have worked with either of my girls, but it would have worked from day 1 with my boy. in fact, without ever having read the book we all sort of naturally fell into a schedule. i never planned on attachment parenting any of my kids, but stella obviously has different ideas. they're all so different, i think if you plan your "style" ahead of time you may wind up butting heads with your baby. they're all so different. the one thing i think you CAN plan on doing once your little one arrives is spending lots of time on the floor instead of the couch. get down there and play with ethan while you hang onto the baby or have him/her close. he'll be fine. as far as husbands go, in our house, the kids' needs come first and he is more than welcome to join in the family fun. i'm not stomping my foot and pouting and saying ME ME ME, and it's clear that he won't either. with 3 little ones we are in the trenches. no time for ME ME MEs. my son is named after a singer named gord downie. he wrote a poem once called hardcore, and i think about it a lot when things get hectic around here:

we're not hobbyists or dabblers anymore
we're hardcore hardcore
we're hardcore
with a kid in the street
one up in bed
one on the hip
one on the floor
we might be one again, but not like before
we're hardcore hardcore
we're hardcore

things change in families, and the husband must be expected to accept the changes along with everyone else. there are only so many hours in the day, you know?

I agree with Christine in that at a few months of age it isn't as much an issue, but I have a huge issue with Babywise and this concept that a "man", and I use the term loosely, can't handle sharing his wife with a baby! If my DH EVER seemed to be so insecure and needy I wouldn't have married him or chosen him as the father of my children.
The way I learned it in child development, the first few weeks/months, the baby is learning trust. "I cry, they respond, therefore, I am safe." If you don't respond, they don't properly develope trust. Studies have shown that babies who are responded to promptly in early infancy cry less later.
Where I have trouble is when families become so child centered that they spend themselves into debt so little Suzy can have named brand clothes or so that Billy can drive a car. Then you put financial stress on a family that is toxic.

Yes, I did have problems bfing. Scheduling is not something that I would start from Day 1. I would prob wait a couple of weeks to make sure that I was well-established at it. The scheduling is not every four hours, it's every three and every 2 1/2 if you are having any problems.
It takes much more than a couple of weeks to get BFing established. I can say that I didnt feel like I was over all humps for at least 3 months. Even then though babies know when they are hungry. And many times they need to feed more than 2.5 hrs. Breastmilk is digested in about 90 mins so it doesnt take long before they are hungry again.

Well, then I have to ask. Particularly, you Shanna, as you have experience in dealing with more than one small child. How can you attachment parent a new baby by breast-feeding, babywearing, co-sleeping if you have more than one small child?
Well co-sleeping makes it much easier to BF. I dont have to get out of bed and make a bottle or get out of bed to go get the baby from another room and sit in the rocking chair nurse put the baby back in the crib and walk back to my room. All while trying to stay awake. I turn over latch baby while half awake and go back to sleep. You truly get more sleep this way than any other way.

Also wearing the baby makes it easier to take care of the others. I have 2 free hands while I nurse and can clean house, prepare dinner or read to my others.


What if you have twins? How do you have the time to be a good wife and spend a little alone time with your husband? I liked the philosophy of Babywise because it teaches the baby that they are part of a family. I feel like philosophy of AP really focuses on the fact that most people only have 1 or 2 children these days. Most parents I know who have a lot of children do have to do things in a very organized way. What about big families?
You learn to wear both of them. But, I wouldnt worry about that one until you know it is something you need to prepare for. As for your husband. Well there are other rooms in the house besides yours!!! :blush I teach my babies they are a part of my family. I dont believe that I need to change my whole schedule just for them. But, I will stop what ever I am doing to feed, change, or cuddle. I also have older children that help around the house. I think I have a pretty good size family. And like I said you have to teach you older ones to do things around the house also. If you are trying to be the only one cleaning, cooking, taking care of baby, etc...then yes you will be worn out before you even get out of bed.


As far as the scheduling itself. I guess my thinking is: once you get started scheduling, it's only a couple of weeks of CIO until the baby gets used to the scheduling and then their metabolism will conform to the schedule.
I will say this is very sad sounding to me!!! God gave that child the metabolism he meant for him to have. Not for you to change it!!!!

don't think you will have to let the baby CIO forever, and in the end it will make for a Mom that has more time for both of her children, her husband, taking care of her house, etc.
I guess you know what I think about this one.

If you would like to talk more about how I do things you are more than welcome to call me.

AP definatly works for a family with 2 kids! I think it promotes "family harmony" very effectively.

I can be breastfeeding my infant, and my 2yo can sit next to us, and we can read a book, or he can color, or whatever. Slings are wonderful, because you can hold you baby close and still have hands-free to play with your toddler.

AP doesn't mean you ignore the rest of your family and only center everything around the baby to the neglect of the rest of your family or yourself. It just means when the baby's hungry or needs a cuddle, you attend to the baby, rather than waiting until the "correct time".

An example that stuck in my mind... Put youself in a room with a wonderful buffett of your favorite food. Beverages too. And a nice comfy place to sit.
Would you, as an adult, like to sit inches from that food and be told "no, it's not time. Nope, you can't even have a sip of water." Honestly, how often do we as adults go four hours without a snack or a sip of something to drink. I know I stop by the fridge throughout the day for a drink or some grapes. Just something that stuck out to me.

FYI

http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm

Great links Denny! Thanks.

Ahmen! ;)

Okay, Here is MY opinion! I want to say that I don't think this nor any book is Evil. It's a book, words put on paper, it cannot harm me, nor my children. The people who follow this book as if it were a Bible are those to blame. People follow every word with out using common sense, is the reason why any parenting book can be abused to an extent. So many parents just want someone to tell them how to parent as if it's a manual. When they just need to stop reading and just go with their heart. Books can be a great source and have LOTS of information but I don't think that most need to be used the way they are used. They are a source NOT the parent.

I don't incourage any parent to follow religiously ANY book. Every child is different. Every parent is different. As in ANY book you read it, pick out what YOU think is best for your family.

OKay, now to parenting more then ONE child. Yes this is FAR different then just having one. Now know I don't label myself as any certian type of parent. I am a learning mother who continues to grow, that's it! What I believe in one day I may not the next, that is what parenting is about, live and learn. So, I have to say I have three children, I thought that breastfeeding my son would be hassle, I mean how am I suppose to keep up with a 4 yr old, a 1 yr old and bf'd my infant child????? Well for us it wasn't so hard. BFing was but not hard as in taking care of all the kids. Yes their are sleepless nights, and yes my husband and I don't get the time I would like but it's up to us to make that time, so I can't really blame my children for that. Christopher bf'd's, co-sleeps, (these two were NOT by my choice btw) and I also wear slings, which I have found my sling to be one of my prized possessions... It has been SO helpful! I wear my sling EVERY where! Infact I don't think I could of grocery shopped with out it! My girls slept in their own beds so they were not a problem.

As far as schedule feedings, that is ment mainly for formula feed babies. And even then you shouldn't schedule feed until the child is about 3 mos or so. And as far as breastfeeding it could take months to really get the hand of it. Schedule feedings is NOT for breastfeeding at all. As the child get's older he/she (even with formula normally) will naturally get on their own schedule! As far as CIO, yes I have let my children cry, no longer then 20 minutes I don't evne think it was remotely that long. I have learned though that I didn't do the CIO that others do, my children were just fussing, just really tired, not screaming their heads off for hours! I mean thats just nuts to me. If my child is screaming longer then say 10 minutes IF that then they still NEED something even if that is JUST me! I have found it MUCH easier to lay with christopher to sleep then to just let him scream in bed. It's easier on him and me, AND he goes to sleep faster! He WILL learn independance just now isn't the time.

I am so tired of parents who are all about me,me,me! Yes, I want to sleep at night, and YES I would love to not BF'd anymore at times, and YES I would love to have more time to myself, have more time with my husband, do things alone and at times I might whine too about not having those things. But we CHOOSE to become parents, and this is a part of parenting! Your child is going to NEED YOU, he is a helpless infant who you are his teacher. AS far as sleeping with you, you have to realize that your child was inside of you for 9 months YOU are all that baby knows, it felt your warmth, your smell, your heart. ANd once it's born we are ready to make them sleep all by themselves! BUT at the same time, do we not seek comfort at night???? I know I love having my husband in bed with me, infact I cannot sleep well with out him there, so why do we expect anything less from a baby, they are human and they are comforted by us! When you had a baby it was no longer about YOU and YOUR husband anymore but about those babies! Anyways I have wrote too much already! so

Great post Misty!

The only thing I can add is that following Babywise religously is dangerous . That is why so many of us are so strongly opposed.

I agree, great post Misty and I would like to add....if you can't handle the "hassle" of infancy, how the heck do you think you will handle adolescence? That is part of what worries me....why teens seem to be allowed to "parent" themselves so often these days. Yes, it may seem easier at times to have your 16 year old running around like a little adult, but they need parenting, too.

Honoring and nurturing a marriage is important, of course, but it doesn't have to compete with nurturing in infancy as is the premise of the Baby Wise philosophy. It should never have been put into the realm of a competition, in my opinion. Just silly.

but I have a huge issue with Babywise and this concept that a "man", and I use the term loosely, can't handle sharing his wife with a baby! If my DH EVER seemed to be so insecure and needy I wouldn't have married him or chosen him as the father of my children.

Please, don't anyone think that of my husband. He trusts me completely as a mother and has never ever said (or acted like) he felt neglected. It's my desire to have alone time with him, to nurture our marriage.

That said, thank you all for your responses! I knew this would be a hot topic! I did go and read a lot of what was on the site that Denny posted--that was quite helpful! I would like to find a site that supports the methods and compare the two. I was more than a little disturbed by some of the stories of dehydrated babies. I guess, with anything you have to "eat the meat and spit out the bones" and thats what I will do with Babywise. I still love the idea of teaching the baby from birth that they are part of a family, and not the center of it. You all are probably right though, and I will not attempt to schedule the baby until he/she is older. I don't want to jeopardize breastfeeding altogether with scheduling.

I think it is wiser of me to seek the counsel of women who are more experienced than myself, rather than a book anyway!