Missing Mom

Missing her a lot here lately. You know, you see something on tv....hear a song (the Brad Paisley Dolly Parton one), see a picture. I wrote mom a letter last night. It is sinking in I think. So final. :(

I am so sorry. I couldn't even fathom losing my mother. You are so strong Kandi and it is okay to be sad!

Yeah, Kandi. I know this has to be beyond difficult. But, she lives on in your heart remember. And it's okay to cry....a lot. We're here for you....

Missing her a lot here lately. You know, you see something on tv....hear a song (the Brad Paisley Dolly Parton one), see a picture. I wrote mom a letter last night. It is sinking in I think. So final. :(

I can relate, especially with that song. I know it says, "Don't cry for me down here.", but it makes me cry almost everytime. Some days it just does not seem real to me and other days, it's like you said, it just sinks in and seems so final. Time is the only thing that makes it any better. My dad passed away in Dec. of 2004 at the young age of 48, so a little over a year ago. There are still times when I get caught off guard and I hear something or see something or my kids have an accomplishment, and I just get so sad that he's not here to share in that. I was very close to him in the way that you were with your mom. He raised me from the time I was 12 until I left home. So if you ever need to talk to somebody that can understand that pain of losing someone that is a part of you, I am here with open arms and ears. I will be thinking of you today.

Thank you so much guys.

Part of me is so sad for her because she couldnt enjoy my kids like she wanted to. SHe was so so so proud. But she was sick a lot. Sometimes I thought it was mental but apparently not. :(

My dad is so close to them now. He is even coming over today to watch the kids tonight. But it is weird STILL seeing him without mom.

Then Drew is always drawing ladybugs and putting them on the fridge so that Jesus can come get it and take it to Nana. I am reminded everyday and some days it just sucks for lack of better words.

I am ok this morning.....but I had some moments yesterday that I felt like my heart would literally break.
Ok, ganna stop typing. Choke.

One day at a time sweetie. I lost my mother also and I learned that today I may be a little angry, tomorrow I might hear a song and cry, and the next day I might laugh about a memory. All of it is ok and normal. There is no set time frame to feel "better".

It's been 16 years next month for me and I still have my days. But they are few and far between. It's especially hard when you have major life events or the kids that you want to share with her. But then you also have all the wonderful memories nd will laugh and cry happy tears.

*HUGS* sweetie. I am here if you ever need to talk.

Oh Kandi, I'm so sorry. I know that time does heal all wounds, and even though you may still have your moments, they will be further and further apart as time goes by (like Jamie said). Healing from a loss takes time....you will just have to cry when you feel like it and vent your anger as well. I will be praying for you!

Hugs sweetie. My dad died 12/31/04 and I dont think its sunk in completely for me. I have days where I cry just as hard as I did when I heard the news and I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest. Im usually ok when Im in a more public place but man when I am in a car and hear a song he used to love, a song a the funeral or think about a certain memory..I LOSE IT. Sometimes I still have to pull over because Im crying so hard. Its awful. I wish that he was able to meet Eva and see all the new things that Isaac can do.:cryI have no advice for you, just my support and empathy. :grouphug

:hug She sounds like she was a beautiful person. Hang in there!:)

{{{Hugs}}} My mom passed unexpectedly two years ago. She was always my best friend, so I can imagine how difficult this is for you, too.

:hug - I am so sorry. I know it has to be hard for you and Drew is so awesome. You are such a strong person and are doing awesome to be there for your Dad but it is OK for you to breakdown and cry as well. Just keep feeling your feelings when they surface and I am always here if you need me.

Ohhh honey I am sorry! ((((hugs)))) I think you've stayed stronger than I would have. We're here for you!

Kandi,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think you know that I lost my mother in February 2005. It's still very hard. I find that near DD's birthday (that was Saturday), I get very sad. My mom was the person I shared everything with. She also had this great quality in which she never seemed to judge any of my decisions. I knew I could tell her anything. I don't have anyone in my life like that now. My dad isn't a part of our lives. My in-laws are emotionally distant even though they live very close. The closest thing DD has to a grandmother now is our next door neighbor. Just a couple of weeks ago she told me she had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure, which is what caused my mother's death. Since I heard that news, everything seems even harder. It's like a rerun of last year is starting and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.

If you want to talk offline, let me know.

No words, just hugs.

:hug We are here for you, girl.

:hug

I have not had to endure the loss of a parent (thank God), but my Mawmaw and I were very close. She suffered a brain aneurysm in Jan. of 2003 and was gone within 24 hours. We got to see her at the hospital and say our "Goodbyes," but she was really already gone. I don't remember what I told her the last time I saw her coherent, but I'm sure it was something like, "I love you" or "See you soon." She lived about an hour from us so we saw her a lot.

It's hard to realize all that she's missed. She never got to see my first home. She missed my sister's wedding and never got to meet my brother-in-law (whom my sis started dating after she died). She missed my brother's high school graduation and my college graduation (and will miss my sis' college graduation in May). She didn't get to be there when I told the family that the baby was coming. She didn't get to meet her first great-grandchild.

That last part is what really gets me. She would have loved Nathan so much! He would have been soooo spoiled! She spoiled her 7 grandkids - her great-grandchild would have been in for a treat. My cousin and I were discussing this earlier in the week via email and I told him how hard it was to see Pawpaw come alone to the hospital to meet his great-grandson. That was really hard...because I know Mawmaw would have loved it so much! (see, I get teary now thinking about it)

My prayers go out to you. I'm new - how long ago did you lose your mom? I know I would be a wreck if I lost mine! It's been 3 years now since we lost Mawmaw, but I can say that it does get easier. Sure, I have my moments - pregnancy and the baby showers were hard as is the anniversary of her death every year - but each year, it gets a little easier. I find my peace in knowing that I will definitely see her again one day in heaven. She was a devote Christian and was even a church secretary (in fact, she was at work when the nasty aneurysm hit).

I am so sorry for everyone's losses here. :(
Krisinda, I lost her December 14th (she died around midnight, may have been the 13th). Although mom always seemed sick and had a lot going on, I did not expect it at all.

:hug

Kandi, I am so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. Just take it one day at a time. I am here if you need anything.

:hug:hug:hug

Kandi, I am thinking of you! Jamie and I have talked to each other before about losing our moms. It will be 8 years in May that my mom, age 46, died from a freak bicycle accident. I can still hear the phone call from my brother and recall dropping to my knees and crying "not my mommy!" I am tearing up just typing that. It is hard! Everyone's pain is a slight bit different, but it's still the awful loss of a parent. I am so happy your mom got to know your sweet, sweet children! Hugs to you Kandi.

I am also sorry for everyone's losses here. Thanks for the kind words for Kandi.

Im soo sorry.. I cant even imagine how you feel! I can only imagine that its very painful and hurts your heart... And for that im truley sorry for the way you feel!! Take care...

I can't imagine how hard it must be. :hug

hugs sweetheart

:hug

I agree with JustJamie. My mother died 8 ears ago at the age of 44. ANd while I just knew I would have this raw and open wound in my soul for the rest of my life, I find that today, It has faded to a lovley soft and warm spot that holds the memories of her hands, her voice and all the things that I love so dearly about her.

Know that you cannot bury the feelings deep bc everytime you think you have, you find that with a scratch, its really just below the surface and thats ok. Youhave to FEEL this and while it can be overwhelming and you feel like ther eis no end to it, one day you realize that you felt the sun shine warm on your face, and thenanother day yousmile and mean it and one simple day at a time, you find that youget used to the feelings and you gaurd them. It doesnt "get easier" with time, but youget used to it and then it becomes a part of you that youcan visit when you need to or when you want to.

She is not lost to you, but she is a part of you now. I started a journal right after she died of all the memories I have of her so that I can introduce her to the grandkids that wont get to meet her but deserve to know her.Its healing to write it down. You laugh and you cry and you love.

Blesings to you.

K:hug

:hug

sorry you're having to go through this

So sorry Kandi...hope tomorrow brings you a little more solace and peace.

No words, just hugs.

:yeah :hug

sorry you have to deal with this. i can only image how you must feel. i cant give any advice since i have not walked in your shoes, but know that all of us here support you and you always have us...whether or not youve talked to me yet...im here for you
:hug

:hug

Thank you so much guys.

Part of me is so sad for her because she couldnt enjoy my kids like she wanted to. SHe was so so so proud. But she was sick a lot. Sometimes I thought it was mental but apparently not. :(

My dad is so close to them now. He is even coming over today to watch the kids tonight. But it is weird STILL seeing him without mom.

Then Drew is always drawing ladybugs and putting them on the fridge so that Jesus can come get it and take it to Nana. I am reminded everyday and some days it just sucks for lack of better words.

I am ok this morning.....but I had some moments yesterday that I felt like my heart would literally break.
Ok, ganna stop typing. Choke.:cry :hug Now everytime I see a ladybug I'm gonna think of Drew & your Mom...He's just too sweet....

I'm sorry.. you're in my thoughts!

Pray to her, or just talk to her. She can still hear you and knows your heart. Talk to her throughout the day and you may be surprised to hear her talking back!

Big hugs, T.

I lost my mom in 98 to breast cancer, I miss her everyday. This past Sunday would have been her 68th birthday. Hugs to you, I know how you feel.

Ditto what Kristine said.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in Feb '98. Most days it's just a part of who I am now, but every now and then I have my moments. Just the other week I was talking to a friend about it, having a normal conversation and *BAM*, I literally choked on my own words and had to work to regain my composure enough to talk. It really surprised me - not because I don't still miss mom terribly, but that it could still be so hard to talk about.

Sending many hugs... I know how raw and painful it still must be for you - I'm sure it still seems like yesterday.

I am sorry for all of you that has suffered this loss. I talk to my mom everyday and I can not imagine her not being there. She is 71 and I do know that day will come. I am sad that it has happened to those of you so young. I am not your mom and I will assure you I am not perfect, but I am here if anyone ever needs me.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine. I have kept you in my prayers since I read your post.

:hug Hang in there. I can't imagine losing my mother--the thought paralyzes me. I hope you find comfort for your loss in friends and loved ones and your kids.

Big Hugs!

Hugs!

:hug So sorry, Kandi.

Kandi, Your posting sounds as if your dear mother passed away recently. I am so sorry. It is one of the most difficult events of life. My mother and father passed away at ages 45 years. I pray that you have faith so that you know she has moved on to a better place. I know that my parents are in a better place and I truly believe that I will see them when I pass on. Even with that, the loss of a parent remains very painful. Think of the good times and keep her memory alive. I am making sure that my parents are not forgotten by documenting our genealogy. No one on either side of the families had documented any genealogy. I live just south of you and would love to spend time w/ you. There are other ways to memorialize a loved one. If you like, I can share with you. Each time I do something to make sure that my parents are never forgotten, I feel a healing!
You may not be ready for any of this. My parents passed away some time ago. Just let me know if there is anyway that I can help you. I will be there. Catherine